Soooooooo if you have me on FB, you'd already know I got the latest apple iPhone. It took them some time to finally get the carrier running for the system because of the festive season and the busy network / staff 😪
But anyways, might or might not change schools next year. Depends on wether I can pass the entrance exam which results will only be revealed next year.... L M A O
So I guess either way I suppose I'd be staying on for at least a few months I guess before leaving. Latest will be yr end next year. This sucks...... Being unsure and not knowing you're either here or there.
Well moving on, I have written like, almost half a book of my story and will update it before 2013 PROMISED.
I'm going to attend yet another wedding reception tonight with my parents. It's like, the third one I've been invited to this year. Great apologies to Sweet as I couldn't attend her brother's as I had tuition 😅 Hmmm...but well at least all those late monday night tuition classes finally payed off 😱
One thing's for sure after all the vagueness, that next year will be different. Wether we like it or not. And I'm also sure that this year had impacted all of us in many different ways positive or negative. And I just thank God for all these chances and opportunities He gave me to learn and experience the all the wonders of life this year.
Also, if you've seen my Christmas statuses in FB you'd already know I recently had an extravaganza party over at my house Christmas Day (or Christmas Night) It was the craziest yet most heart-warming family gathering E V E R 🎄🎅🎉 I pity my aunt who called back from Florida USA. It was so noisy with all the relatives talking on top of their voices that she hadn't even a chance to talk to my Mom😞 Poor thing.
Everyone also took the chance to congratulate me for my success in the recent local public exam. I gave some credit to my Mom too because I think if she hadn't chased me off my lazy ass half of the time I wouldn't have succeeded. ( Shoutout to my Mom: Thanks Mom!! 😃💜💜) I do feel awfully guilty at times when all the credit goes to me FYI 👿😇
Hmmm.... Okay.... So.... Yeah. I think that's all for now I only have 9% of battery left on my phone. See ya! 😉
Thursday, 27 December 2012
Thursday, 22 November 2012
StoRRæhh=======
Okay soooooo, before I get started on my story which I have been working on for almost three weeks now, I'm sure you're wondering why I have suddenly changed my blog name and address. This is simply because I grew tired of fairy tales....... well no, actually that's a lie, no, a surface-half-truth which means it's only half a lie..... OKAY, (sorry) Just to remind myself I'm NOT here to blog about the reason behind the name change or my sore throat or the holes in the ceiling of my room or why I had temporarily abandoned my blog for so long or YOU-KNOW-WHO or my hair blahblahblah etc. If you wanna know about all that, sorry but you'll just have to wait for my next update post (I know it's annoying but please bare with me ;) but for now, you'll just have to buy the excuse that I've been away working on my story and just being plain lazy
Just fyi, I changed the first chapter of the story almost 80% so I hope you don't mind hehehe ^^|||
Please DO read it ;3
Please DO read it ;3
With heavy apologies and all sincerity,
Rayne
__________________________________________________________________________
Chapter One
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, (well not that long ago actually) there lived a girl named Rayne. Not to be too direct, but she was kind of, born with a silver spoon in her mouth. She lived with her parents, butler and five maids in a huge house in the woods. They were all really close and true to one another. The house was believed to have been abandoned by dukes and duchesses of the Victorian ages. No one actually knows why it was abandoned. It was probably a few decades later that the Candaile family found it neglected coincidentally when they were looking for a new place to stay. A few maintenance touch-ups and a huge thousand-acre deal with the government later, the once resplendent Victorian-style manor was once more presentable and then also became a home for a family for generations even until the modern era just as it deserved to be.
At night, a seven-year-old Rayne would wonder out into the moonlight-elevated Victorian-style garden and pretend that she was a princess of the olden times, just like in all the classic fables her mother used to tell her. There were even nights that were so enchanting and fairy tale-like that made some scenes almost believable. Nights like these, the little girl would fall asleep under the complimenting radiance of the moonlight and the stars that sparkle against a misty, sometimes clear night sky. Comfortable and surrounded by tall hedges of red and white roses, she would then be lullabied to sleep by the sound of water trickling down the ever-magnificent eight-foot tall fountain that stood at par with the hedges at the center of the garden. She would often dream of what many would call, magic.
Rayne never left her family's acreage. Sometimes, when she got bored of TV or reading or playing in the garden, she would wonder off into the woods nearby and explore the plants, the trees, the rocks and even the earth beneath her feet. Sometimes when it was raining, she would sit gloomily right in the center of the vintage living room couch facing the television, aching to go outside. Her feet were always longing for the feel of the earth beneath her soles, her ears missing the sound of her own feet running on twigs and dry leaves. Knowing that it upset her mother when she went out barefoot, she would wear her shoes and walk until she stood directly in front of the garden gates, with the best view of the long picturesque large oak tree lined driveway, and leave her shoes there as she wandered out of the garden. She would also remember to rinse her feet by the tap outside before she came inside as established by Mom, "Muddy feet means grounded for a month young lady! Appreciate what Clara does to keep the marble floors clean once in a while!"
It was amazing how she never got lost in the acres of forest that surrounded the chateau. Mom and Dad had constantly worried about her spending too much time in the woods although the only ever real danger was getting lost, because the land was secure of wild beasts for centuries and too far out in the countryside for any psycho trespassing kidnappers. They stopped worrying after she had returned before dark every time. Their anxiety wasn't for nothing though, getting lost in the woods could take days before getting found in six thousand acres of unexplored premises.
Not that Mom and Dad and the rest didn't want to explore the scenic sanctuary that was right at their doorstep by privilege, it's just that Dad was an otolaryngologist (ENT specialist) - the only one available at a town near by - that made him incredibly busy on some days. And Mom was an interior designer well known for her work in the same town. And with the increasing number of new neighbors in town, that made them both equally busy. Butler Marcel was, well, being a butler while the masters were out. And Clara, Paige, Mila, Dawn and Agnus were either doing their chores or talking about their never changing 'hot' topic - Marcel. Yes, he was a young good-looking, good-hearted as well as gentle butler. A dream butler if being true to a hundred percent. All the maids secretly have crushes on him but everyone knows about everything so, yeah, so much for being cryptic about your feelings. With everyone busy with their own lives, thus, leaving Rayne the only person to explore the entire estate.
She spent 85% of her young life outdoors exploring every speck of beauty nature could offer her but she still hasn't been able to map down two thirds of her family's land. Everything outdoors amused her. She recorded her usual path through the forest in her mind every single time she threaded through it, making new editions each time. Her favorites were always in the spring when she could spot a brand new birds' nest or maybe even with a little luck, witness the eggs hatching. Every tiny detail amused her. It was her red-letter day when Mom bought her her first ten megapixel digital camera. Then she would be able to capture the morning dew on a spider's web like she always wanted to. Although everything was always above satisfactory, she always felt as though she had missed something. It's a feeling like sometimes, after you've achieved a goal, the satisfaction wares off too quickly and you get an instant of soberness, an overpowering emptiness that leaves you thinking, "Hmm.... there's something missing." It's also like the feeling a detective gets after he's solved a case and the bad guy's in jail. Like maybe he's mislead or is missing out on the full truth, the big clue right in front of him but camouflaged so skillfully that he cannot see it. A vague, incomplete feeling.
Her childhood days were fun and relaxed, but when summer after year four came around, things began to change. Rayne knew that it was only a matter of two more years before she entered pre-teen hood. Rayne had attended home school until she was twelve. Some of the best private tutors came in and out of the study room in the library teaching her all she needed to know in primary school. They all seemed to say the same thing - that she seemed to learn stuff faster than anyone her age should.
For middle school and high school, Rayne stopped homeschooling and went to public schools in town. She herself realized that she was way ahead of the syllabus but made no complaints. Her parents had insisted on her to attend a private school but she refused simply because she didn't like uniforms. Two words. Bad choice. Although it was highly likely or more so predetermined that she would have a fitting-in problem in a huge public school because of her wealth and talent and the thing with humans called jealousy, she was also partly to blame for it. Ever heard of a bragging problem? Yeah. The worst part was she wasn't conscious of it. But of course, no matter how much of an outcast you are you'll always have friendly acquaintances. Beryl Sachar befriended her in year seven, but her emerald-green eyes weren't always of an appealing shade. The Sachars were a family of six plus two parents and weren't that well off. And sometimes Rayne seriously does go off the board about her bragging. This made Beryl obviously envious of her. The only thing that united the two into companionship was their love for reading and writing fiction, and something else.....
Sounds pretty normal so far right? For the pre-teen hood of a healthy wealthy girl. But I'm sure it already flashes the hint - prepare for a twist in the story.
My name is Ally. Short for Allyson Rayne Candaile. When I was a kid people - everyone in the house that is - my tutors, Mom, Dad, Clara, Paige, Marcel... - used to call me Rayne, but when I started secondary school, people called me by my first name. I am the only child of Marie-Anne and George Candaile. I live in the far English countryside in a mansion called Candaile Manor. I am not local though, or at least I think I'm not. In fact I look kind of Asian, I don't know, it's weird, I'm weird.
You know what's really ironic? Just when I started to complain about my life being plain and boring, as if on auto voice-command, it just started to get more interesting. Complicatedly interesting...
Well, almost in contrary with all I had just summed up, this is now the story of a girl who before had once never known of her incredible heritage until one seemingly ordinary day...if I'm not mistaken it all began just before noon.........
__________________________________________________________________________
There you have it :) Just as I promised. I changed e v e r y t h i n g didn't I hehehe ;P Even added pics to guide your imagination xDD
Soooooo........ hope you liked it! ;)
Do comment please <3 <3
Rayne never left her family's acreage. Sometimes, when she got bored of TV or reading or playing in the garden, she would wonder off into the woods nearby and explore the plants, the trees, the rocks and even the earth beneath her feet. Sometimes when it was raining, she would sit gloomily right in the center of the vintage living room couch facing the television, aching to go outside. Her feet were always longing for the feel of the earth beneath her soles, her ears missing the sound of her own feet running on twigs and dry leaves. Knowing that it upset her mother when she went out barefoot, she would wear her shoes and walk until she stood directly in front of the garden gates, with the best view of the long picturesque large oak tree lined driveway, and leave her shoes there as she wandered out of the garden. She would also remember to rinse her feet by the tap outside before she came inside as established by Mom, "Muddy feet means grounded for a month young lady! Appreciate what Clara does to keep the marble floors clean once in a while!"
It was amazing how she never got lost in the acres of forest that surrounded the chateau. Mom and Dad had constantly worried about her spending too much time in the woods although the only ever real danger was getting lost, because the land was secure of wild beasts for centuries and too far out in the countryside for any psycho trespassing kidnappers. They stopped worrying after she had returned before dark every time. Their anxiety wasn't for nothing though, getting lost in the woods could take days before getting found in six thousand acres of unexplored premises.
Not that Mom and Dad and the rest didn't want to explore the scenic sanctuary that was right at their doorstep by privilege, it's just that Dad was an otolaryngologist (ENT specialist) - the only one available at a town near by - that made him incredibly busy on some days. And Mom was an interior designer well known for her work in the same town. And with the increasing number of new neighbors in town, that made them both equally busy. Butler Marcel was, well, being a butler while the masters were out. And Clara, Paige, Mila, Dawn and Agnus were either doing their chores or talking about their never changing 'hot' topic - Marcel. Yes, he was a young good-looking, good-hearted as well as gentle butler. A dream butler if being true to a hundred percent. All the maids secretly have crushes on him but everyone knows about everything so, yeah, so much for being cryptic about your feelings. With everyone busy with their own lives, thus, leaving Rayne the only person to explore the entire estate.
She spent 85% of her young life outdoors exploring every speck of beauty nature could offer her but she still hasn't been able to map down two thirds of her family's land. Everything outdoors amused her. She recorded her usual path through the forest in her mind every single time she threaded through it, making new editions each time. Her favorites were always in the spring when she could spot a brand new birds' nest or maybe even with a little luck, witness the eggs hatching. Every tiny detail amused her. It was her red-letter day when Mom bought her her first ten megapixel digital camera. Then she would be able to capture the morning dew on a spider's web like she always wanted to. Although everything was always above satisfactory, she always felt as though she had missed something. It's a feeling like sometimes, after you've achieved a goal, the satisfaction wares off too quickly and you get an instant of soberness, an overpowering emptiness that leaves you thinking, "Hmm.... there's something missing." It's also like the feeling a detective gets after he's solved a case and the bad guy's in jail. Like maybe he's mislead or is missing out on the full truth, the big clue right in front of him but camouflaged so skillfully that he cannot see it. A vague, incomplete feeling.
Her childhood days were fun and relaxed, but when summer after year four came around, things began to change. Rayne knew that it was only a matter of two more years before she entered pre-teen hood. Rayne had attended home school until she was twelve. Some of the best private tutors came in and out of the study room in the library teaching her all she needed to know in primary school. They all seemed to say the same thing - that she seemed to learn stuff faster than anyone her age should.
Sounds pretty normal so far right? For the pre-teen hood of a healthy wealthy girl. But I'm sure it already flashes the hint - prepare for a twist in the story.
My name is Ally. Short for Allyson Rayne Candaile. When I was a kid people - everyone in the house that is - my tutors, Mom, Dad, Clara, Paige, Marcel... - used to call me Rayne, but when I started secondary school, people called me by my first name. I am the only child of Marie-Anne and George Candaile. I live in the far English countryside in a mansion called Candaile Manor. I am not local though, or at least I think I'm not. In fact I look kind of Asian, I don't know, it's weird, I'm weird.
You know what's really ironic? Just when I started to complain about my life being plain and boring, as if on auto voice-command, it just started to get more interesting. Complicatedly interesting...
Well, almost in contrary with all I had just summed up, this is now the story of a girl who before had once never known of her incredible heritage until one seemingly ordinary day...if I'm not mistaken it all began just before noon.........
__________________________________________________________________________
There you have it :) Just as I promised. I changed e v e r y t h i n g didn't I hehehe ;P Even added pics to guide your imagination xDD
Soooooo........ hope you liked it! ;)
Do comment please <3 <3
Friday, 24 August 2012
YABBAHDABADOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!-------------- ^^
Wow, both holidays and the month of August are coming to an end before you know it. This isn't good as I am most certainly NOT prepared for the up-coming public exam. I'm getting sick of almost everything nowadays, (sigh) I'm letting the damn personal stuff get to me again. And not to be too cryptic, but I won't give out any details as it would somehow hurt my pride...... So forgive me if this entire post turns out completely unclear and unspecific.
It's just that, I thought I had gotten through all that bullshit in primary school, but now it seems like the whole episode is happening to me all over again like a stupid television drama back-to-back rerun. It's almost like, everywhere I run, the same things happen to me all over again, the same BAD things. And the worst thing is, it doesn't give off the déjà vu vibe, instead, I get hurt all over again by the same reasons and familiar events reoccurring in my life. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the simplicity of my incapability to understand how others feel, or my inadequacy to distinguish between the opacity of our current-day social society and the blunt truth. In other words, I am either stubborn, or lack experience, LOTS of experience. (Wow, that would have been so much more harder to say out loud :o) Well maybe it is just me after all. I mean, as the saying goes, "there's always a difference only YOU can make" right? And life is full of choices. I am only human to make bad choices, but I can't always use mortality as the excuse to not be responsible for who I am and the actions I make. And what more can I say? My Mom was right all along......
OKAAAY, that's enough of semi-emo blogging! ^^||| Now to get back to the main point. My parents (my Mom especially) have been bringing up suggestions for vacations for the next long holidays recently, and I don't know, but it sounds like a whole lot of fun. And I sure hope it wouldn't be a hassle like the previous tours =.= well, they were overall fun time too (for me ;) but my parents rather found it stressful. So I think we kinda silently (or not so silently) established the "NO MORE COACH TOURS" thing...... Hmmm...... the stress caused by the not-so-pleasant tour guides and coach drivers >~< So where will it be next?? Asit is I L-U-R-V travelling and most of my friends would have known where I've been xDDD (I know I know I have a horrible bragging habit that causes most people to dislike me ^^) So...... I guess I'll have to try not to start here.... o-o
And also, I haven't been blogging in a while, so forgive meh~ Just finished watching The Amanda Knox case on Diva and ate KFC for dinner just so you know ;3 and my friend has invited me to karaoke with him tomorrow but unfortunately, I most probably won't show due to lack of transport, lack of time and lack of will power (in other words laziness) I do feel a pinch of guilt as I'd be letting him down the umpteenth time for not turning up at his planned hangouts not to mention I won't be seeing him that often anymore :( Well, he just gets me at the wrong time. Not only me that is. He also invited some of my friends, our friends.... and is chatting with me via his cousin's account =_= the last time we video chatted, he was kinda high and...... yeahh... high. So it was..... well..... funny...... a funny situation that is (kinda) ^^||| Ohh well, everyone acts weird when they're high right? Be it high on alcohol, drugs, or music (don't get high on drinks/drugs, get high on music ;) like MEE (hehe) Sorry (you-know-who-you-are-although-you-don't-know-my-blog!) Not-So-Lucky can't go either.
The first chapter of my story hasn't turned out as targeted (again) So I'll have to edit it again and again until it reaches my satisfaction. Ehhem.... I can almost hear you protesting..... sorry bout that. But someday, I'll get it accomplished, I hope.
K, I think that's been more than enough, or just enough to make up for the time I haven't been blogging. So that's probably all for now.
Btw, Taylor Swift's brand new single that she released on August 14 is just SOOO good that I had to share it TWICE!! Here it is again~
It's just that, I thought I had gotten through all that bullshit in primary school, but now it seems like the whole episode is happening to me all over again like a stupid television drama back-to-back rerun. It's almost like, everywhere I run, the same things happen to me all over again, the same BAD things. And the worst thing is, it doesn't give off the déjà vu vibe, instead, I get hurt all over again by the same reasons and familiar events reoccurring in my life. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the simplicity of my incapability to understand how others feel, or my inadequacy to distinguish between the opacity of our current-day social society and the blunt truth. In other words, I am either stubborn, or lack experience, LOTS of experience. (Wow, that would have been so much more harder to say out loud :o) Well maybe it is just me after all. I mean, as the saying goes, "there's always a difference only YOU can make" right? And life is full of choices. I am only human to make bad choices, but I can't always use mortality as the excuse to not be responsible for who I am and the actions I make. And what more can I say? My Mom was right all along......
OKAAAY, that's enough of semi-emo blogging! ^^||| Now to get back to the main point. My parents (my Mom especially) have been bringing up suggestions for vacations for the next long holidays recently, and I don't know, but it sounds like a whole lot of fun. And I sure hope it wouldn't be a hassle like the previous tours =.= well, they were overall fun time too (for me ;) but my parents rather found it stressful. So I think we kinda silently (or not so silently) established the "NO MORE COACH TOURS" thing...... Hmmm...... the stress caused by the not-so-pleasant tour guides and coach drivers >~< So where will it be next?? Asit is I L-U-R-V travelling and most of my friends would have known where I've been xDDD (I know I know I have a horrible bragging habit that causes most people to dislike me ^^) So...... I guess I'll have to try not to start here.... o-o
And also, I haven't been blogging in a while, so forgive meh~ Just finished watching The Amanda Knox case on Diva and ate KFC for dinner just so you know ;3 and my friend has invited me to karaoke with him tomorrow but unfortunately, I most probably won't show due to lack of transport, lack of time and lack of will power (in other words laziness) I do feel a pinch of guilt as I'd be letting him down the umpteenth time for not turning up at his planned hangouts not to mention I won't be seeing him that often anymore :( Well, he just gets me at the wrong time. Not only me that is. He also invited some of my friends, our friends.... and is chatting with me via his cousin's account =_= the last time we video chatted, he was kinda high and...... yeahh... high. So it was..... well..... funny...... a funny situation that is (kinda) ^^||| Ohh well, everyone acts weird when they're high right? Be it high on alcohol, drugs, or music (don't get high on drinks/drugs, get high on music ;) like MEE (hehe) Sorry (you-know-who-you-are-although-you-don't-know-my-blog!) Not-So-Lucky can't go either.
The first chapter of my story hasn't turned out as targeted (again) So I'll have to edit it again and again until it reaches my satisfaction. Ehhem.... I can almost hear you protesting..... sorry bout that. But someday, I'll get it accomplished, I hope.
K, I think that's been more than enough, or just enough to make up for the time I haven't been blogging. So that's probably all for now.
Btw, Taylor Swift's brand new single that she released on August 14 is just SOOO good that I had to share it TWICE!! Here it is again~
Can't wait for her new album 'Red'. It's coming out October 22 just 6 days after my 15th birthday!! Just hope my Mom lets me buy it as my birthday clashes with the STUPID EXAM. It'll be the PERFECT belated birthday gift.
Thursday, 12 July 2012
(Realtime) I'm in a hurry
No time for along one this time. So I'll just do some quick updates :D
- Just sent the script to not so lucky...... she's not even online
- Mom over there in the living room playing with her iPhone while I'm here at the dining table with my bedroom locked and air-con on inside =O yeah, B-A-D
- Staring at an empty bottle of Vitagen that should really be in the trash right now but I'm just too lazy and I practically am short of time
- Am supposed to post the prologue + 1st chapter of my brand new story BUT.... as I said, I am helplessly short of time and for that I apologize.
- Tomorrow is sports day.... (Urrgh!>~<) I had to volunteer to help get the results for Mdm. Chong and run 3 1/2 laps of the stadium JUST to escape having to march. Did I make the right choice? Well we'll soon find out tomorrow. And besides, I got Lonely beside me. *silently happy*
- On Sunday is our school bazaar which most of my friends are unusually enthusiastic about and I'm in charge of making a banner.... Don't worry. I'll get it done. (although my reputation for not getting things done is ..... kinda depressing ^^")
Ok that's all. Sorry no pics or quotes this time got to go. Haha.
Promise, my story is coming up SOON. xDD
- Just sent the script to not so lucky...... she's not even online
- Mom over there in the living room playing with her iPhone while I'm here at the dining table with my bedroom locked and air-con on inside =O yeah, B-A-D
- Staring at an empty bottle of Vitagen that should really be in the trash right now but I'm just too lazy and I practically am short of time
- Am supposed to post the prologue + 1st chapter of my brand new story BUT.... as I said, I am helplessly short of time and for that I apologize.
- Tomorrow is sports day.... (Urrgh!>~<) I had to volunteer to help get the results for Mdm. Chong and run 3 1/2 laps of the stadium JUST to escape having to march. Did I make the right choice? Well we'll soon find out tomorrow. And besides, I got Lonely beside me. *silently happy*
- On Sunday is our school bazaar which most of my friends are unusually enthusiastic about and I'm in charge of making a banner.... Don't worry. I'll get it done. (although my reputation for not getting things done is ..... kinda depressing ^^")
Ok that's all. Sorry no pics or quotes this time got to go. Haha.
Promise, my story is coming up SOON. xDD
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
Thuurrgh.... post (don't ask)
Hey there, (whoever is reading this) Just for your information this is a past post. I am typing this at 4.56p.m., July 2nd 2012, Monday. I had just finished my shower, hair still wet, sitting infront of my laptop on my study table, blogging indirectly. I just have too much to get off my shoulders right now that if I don't let it out it may cause me some serious mental difficulties in the near future. That's why it can't wait for the next chance I get to go online. It is also a day before my Mom's birthday. Gosh,..... the additional guilt of not having a present for her yet just worsens my current situation.
Lately, I've been so darn forgetful that it drives me to the point when I feel like I want to slap myself. I mean, I've forgotten five important things in two weeks! First, I forgot to ask my Mom for my daily allowance causing myself the hassle of borrowing money from my friends, TWICE! Then I forgot to bring my uniform home and left in in the school foyer, ALSO TWICE! The first time, when I went looking for it the next day I found my uniform hanging over the benches in a very neglected and disorderly way. Obviously someone had ransacked through my bag and took my tie (what idiot would steal a tie??!) If that's not bad enough that my Mom had to fork out some money to buy a new tie, I repeated the SAME DAMN MISTAKE AGAIN a day or two later! But this time thank God Sweet Me recognised my brown souvenir bag and took it home for me. Although she hasn't given it back to me yet...... =_= Also on Thursday, I had forgotten to bring something crucial. It was supposedly the deadline for our history project and I THOUGHT I had brought the whole pile for last-minute binding but it just so happened that I forgot the last 4 pages....... AAAARRRGH! Thank God again that it wasn't the real deadline yet so I passed it up on Friday. Today was the worst. HOW THE HELL COULD I HAVE LEFT MY NEW PURSE AT SCHOOL??!!??! It's seriously like someone cast a forgetful spell on me. I LOVE that purse! I personally chose it out and cleaned it with my own bare hands. All I can do now is pray that it lands into the hands of a teacher or at least someone honest enough to do the right thing. What I could do is calI up the school office to find out more. But I shouldn't worry too much because I kept the Divine Mercy Prayer card in there so I guess God will keep it safe. I surely hope to get it back tomorrow, and hopefully, find a cure for this.... forgetfulness.
Hmm.....I think all this has lead me to realize my own carelessness and ungratefulness to God. Not to mention I didn't even attend church yesterday and instead stayed home and played with my PSP. I haven't even been praying properly nowadays, besides saying Grace before meals, I hardly pray at all. Maybe that's the source af all my negativity and unhappiness nowadays. Maybe if I just stop and meditate for a moment I would find a solution to fix this mess I'm in. Today was the first time in a while that I've stopped and prayed to God with sincerity and meaning. I aim to continue this, not only in my times of hardship but also in order to give thanks in times of joy.
Besides that, recently, two different people have told me that I'm gullible. Am I gullible? Do I get tricked easily? I get what they mean like when they're just joking and I give the "Huh?? Really??" or "Seriously??" reaction. Hmmm..... or maybe it's way more than that. It's just that I've been finding it hard to substantiate what I say. But I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it right because I'm too scared of what other people might think. Well, that's most probably because I've let what other people think and say influence what I think and say. No more of that bullshit from now on. You can try to influence me all you want but I won't budge. I judge what is right and wrong from what I know and I won't get tricked so easily anymore. I respect the ones who respect me and ignore the ones who don't. From now on, I choose who I want to be. Don't complain just because I stopped acting the way you wanted me to. I would still compensate but I would not lose my stand.
I think that's all. I would never forgive myself if I lost my purse............ >_<
(p.s. Just another reminder that this was typed 2 days ago so that's why everything is belated. And also what I mean isn't that I don't care about you as a friend, I still L-O-V-E you as a friend, it's just that I'll only listen when it's worth listening to. Besides, YOU DON'T CARE EITHER RIGHT??! Just to substantiate what I mean towards CERTAIN PEOPLE who don't. If you have any misunderstandings, just comment, or not, no need for you to bug me any further. It's a tight knot, but WE can untie it if WE want to. ^_^)
Lately, I've been so darn forgetful that it drives me to the point when I feel like I want to slap myself. I mean, I've forgotten five important things in two weeks! First, I forgot to ask my Mom for my daily allowance causing myself the hassle of borrowing money from my friends, TWICE! Then I forgot to bring my uniform home and left in in the school foyer, ALSO TWICE! The first time, when I went looking for it the next day I found my uniform hanging over the benches in a very neglected and disorderly way. Obviously someone had ransacked through my bag and took my tie (what idiot would steal a tie??!) If that's not bad enough that my Mom had to fork out some money to buy a new tie, I repeated the SAME DAMN MISTAKE AGAIN a day or two later! But this time thank God Sweet Me recognised my brown souvenir bag and took it home for me. Although she hasn't given it back to me yet...... =_= Also on Thursday, I had forgotten to bring something crucial. It was supposedly the deadline for our history project and I THOUGHT I had brought the whole pile for last-minute binding but it just so happened that I forgot the last 4 pages....... AAAARRRGH! Thank God again that it wasn't the real deadline yet so I passed it up on Friday. Today was the worst. HOW THE HELL COULD I HAVE LEFT MY NEW PURSE AT SCHOOL??!!??! It's seriously like someone cast a forgetful spell on me. I LOVE that purse! I personally chose it out and cleaned it with my own bare hands. All I can do now is pray that it lands into the hands of a teacher or at least someone honest enough to do the right thing. What I could do is calI up the school office to find out more. But I shouldn't worry too much because I kept the Divine Mercy Prayer card in there so I guess God will keep it safe. I surely hope to get it back tomorrow, and hopefully, find a cure for this.... forgetfulness.
Hmm.....I think all this has lead me to realize my own carelessness and ungratefulness to God. Not to mention I didn't even attend church yesterday and instead stayed home and played with my PSP. I haven't even been praying properly nowadays, besides saying Grace before meals, I hardly pray at all. Maybe that's the source af all my negativity and unhappiness nowadays. Maybe if I just stop and meditate for a moment I would find a solution to fix this mess I'm in. Today was the first time in a while that I've stopped and prayed to God with sincerity and meaning. I aim to continue this, not only in my times of hardship but also in order to give thanks in times of joy.
Besides that, recently, two different people have told me that I'm gullible. Am I gullible? Do I get tricked easily? I get what they mean like when they're just joking and I give the "Huh?? Really??" or "Seriously??" reaction. Hmmm..... or maybe it's way more than that. It's just that I've been finding it hard to substantiate what I say. But I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it right because I'm too scared of what other people might think. Well, that's most probably because I've let what other people think and say influence what I think and say. No more of that bullshit from now on. You can try to influence me all you want but I won't budge. I judge what is right and wrong from what I know and I won't get tricked so easily anymore. I respect the ones who respect me and ignore the ones who don't. From now on, I choose who I want to be. Don't complain just because I stopped acting the way you wanted me to. I would still compensate but I would not lose my stand.
I think that's all. I would never forgive myself if I lost my purse............ >_<
(p.s. Just another reminder that this was typed 2 days ago so that's why everything is belated. And also what I mean isn't that I don't care about you as a friend, I still L-O-V-E you as a friend, it's just that I'll only listen when it's worth listening to. Besides, YOU DON'T CARE EITHER RIGHT??! Just to substantiate what I mean towards CERTAIN PEOPLE who don't. If you have any misunderstandings, just comment, or not, no need for you to bug me any further. It's a tight knot, but WE can untie it if WE want to. ^_^)
Saturday, 16 June 2012
(sighs) Dearest Computer, no offense, but PLEASE WORK FASTER!! @_@
Just took my com to the shop today. It's not sick or anything, but guess it's just in it's bad mood >~> Maybe it's because I loaded too many songs into it so it got angry at me and decided to ignore me.... as in none of the programs were responding before today. Well I'M SORRY, BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE SOME APOLOGIZING TO DO TOO ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ABANDONED ME ON THE DAY BEFORE MY GEO PROJECT WAS DUE DATE >_<"
Okay, never mind all that. Mass felt different today. Maybe it's because we had a different priest. Some people, (like one of my friends recently stated) just have The Voice. Not as in the singing voice, but as in the voice that doesn't make things boring, a good speaking voice. The voice that gets ears' attention, the father today really has a Speaker's voice. I usually don't understand 90% of what they say in church but this time I got most of it.
My Mom says her iPhone thinks Rayne BerriE (my Google name) is a man O.o" so I've changed my profile picture. iPhone, if you still think I'm male, you must have a pretty gay aspect of life :P anyways, well at least she got my email now. She also sent me this cool video in tribute to Whitney Houston. She was supposed to perform at the grand opening of this Dubai hotel but unfortunately she passed. RIP Whitney Houston :'( Check it out:~
Okay, never mind all that. Mass felt different today. Maybe it's because we had a different priest. Some people, (like one of my friends recently stated) just have The Voice. Not as in the singing voice, but as in the voice that doesn't make things boring, a good speaking voice. The voice that gets ears' attention, the father today really has a Speaker's voice. I usually don't understand 90% of what they say in church but this time I got most of it.
My Mom says her iPhone thinks Rayne BerriE (my Google name) is a man O.o" so I've changed my profile picture. iPhone, if you still think I'm male, you must have a pretty gay aspect of life :P anyways, well at least she got my email now. She also sent me this cool video in tribute to Whitney Houston. She was supposed to perform at the grand opening of this Dubai hotel but unfortunately she passed. RIP Whitney Houston :'( Check it out:~
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Not sure what to say anymore x3
I do, don't I...... (sigh) Wish I could just give my brain a break from you. Or like that Demi Lovato song "Give Your Heart a Break". Darn, almost every post I've posted so far is about you. You you you you..... I wonder how you felt when you had your heart broken like you said, or more so who broke it. That's the thing you see, I'm thinking again, dwelling, sinking into the endless juxtaposition of my real life, and my fantasies (or delusions) of what would be of us if I was different, if you were different. I've figured out two things I'm lacking of. One, the courage (obviously). And two, the humility to confront you, go up to you with nothing but the truth, to get rid of the idea that it is you who should act first. I'm telling you, if the rumors are true and neither of us dare to confront each other with the blunt, plain truth without further exaggerations, elaborations or exasperation, this will, if you like it or not, pass by. I would regret it of course, but what about you? My brain keeps pestering me on the possibilities of myself having been the one. If it is so then here comes my evil twin again..... URGH! I seriously hate having to constantly argue with myself on these matters! A part of me says you deserve it for what you did to her, but the other half says No, you don't deserve it because you didn't do it on purpose while I...... kinda did ^~^"
(sigh again) well I've got a script to write see ya'll laterrrrrr~
Monday, 4 June 2012
Bitter-sweet holidays~ (sigh)
Hmm..... a week without you hasn't exactly been heaven or hell. And I thought it would be either one of the two. (sigh) Guess my estimation has gone from bad to worse, or has it changed at all? =_= But I do admit one thing, that I'd rather see your face and get my heart melted straight to the ground than sleep till' noon due to endless hours of playing The Sims at graveyard times >.< Surprisingly I don't miss you as much as I thought I would. And honestly, you haven't exactly been haunting me as much as before, like what you usually cause me. Guess what mainly keeps you in my mind has always been what I'm trying to avoid, what I've been running from, what I am too afraid to attempt. Seeing you. Looking .Yes, it has become so destinctive that even you can't miss it. Yes, I am afraid. Like even when I see you online a fear swells up inside me, engulfing what I truly feel. Some say fear is good, it gives us caution. But in my case, I would rather throw caution to the wind, with less pondering about hte consequences that follow, genuinely, fearless............ if only I could. I listen to Taylor Swift so often and I wonder, how does she do it? Write songs about her past loves, even incuding their names. I can totally relate to her most of the time but yet, I can't even say your name. She sings out her true stories in her songs although it hurts, but I prefer to run from mine, concealing them from myself. I prefer to pretend that it's not real at all, that it never happened, that you were never there. She could boldly admit that she's not over someone while I would pretend I never knew him instead.
Right now I may feel that my feelings are weakening as I type, but they'll swoop back up as soon as I see your face just as the tide rises and resides. I may act as if I don't, but deep down inside I do care. Possibly more than most other matters right now. And as it is I'm trying to gather solid evidence. Do you notice that? Are you aware of my intensions? Are you doing the same?! O.o okay, okay, maybe that's a bit too paranoid, or is it?? >.>
I had a significant "slip of a tongue" that day. And I'm pretty sure you noticed. Instinctively I was like "Oh Shit!" But now, when I think back, I don't have an inch of remorse. Like it was never a mistake in the first place. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe fighting it just makes it more distinct. But sometimes I can't help fighting you! xP And (even wierder), sometimes I can't help but wnt the opposite >.< It's almost like second nature, sadly. I'm not saying that I enjoy it, I do have my regretsat times, it's just that it has inched it's way to becoming part of me now.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! @~@ Alright!! I've got to fix this!! I know this probably sounds really bad, as in really f'ed up, but if you've read my previous post (and all my other posts before), I don't think this as vague. Anyways, I bet once I get back to school nothing (inclusive of this here post) would change much. Although you would creep your way back to me like you always do and the results may vary.
P.S. I know this post may be somewhat in contrast with my previous post, but.... yeah that's how it is when I have large gaps in posting and long school holidays. x3 Sorry for making you guys wait btw~ as usual I wasn't all that free :P
Right now I may feel that my feelings are weakening as I type, but they'll swoop back up as soon as I see your face just as the tide rises and resides. I may act as if I don't, but deep down inside I do care. Possibly more than most other matters right now. And as it is I'm trying to gather solid evidence. Do you notice that? Are you aware of my intensions? Are you doing the same?! O.o okay, okay, maybe that's a bit too paranoid, or is it?? >.>
I had a significant "slip of a tongue" that day. And I'm pretty sure you noticed. Instinctively I was like "Oh Shit!" But now, when I think back, I don't have an inch of remorse. Like it was never a mistake in the first place. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe fighting it just makes it more distinct. But sometimes I can't help fighting you! xP And (even wierder), sometimes I can't help but wnt the opposite >.< It's almost like second nature, sadly. I'm not saying that I enjoy it, I do have my regretsat times, it's just that it has inched it's way to becoming part of me now.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! @~@ Alright!! I've got to fix this!! I know this probably sounds really bad, as in really f'ed up, but if you've read my previous post (and all my other posts before), I don't think this as vague. Anyways, I bet once I get back to school nothing (inclusive of this here post) would change much. Although you would creep your way back to me like you always do and the results may vary.
P.S. I know this post may be somewhat in contrast with my previous post, but.... yeah that's how it is when I have large gaps in posting and long school holidays. x3 Sorry for making you guys wait btw~ as usual I wasn't all that free :P
Thursday, 3 May 2012
This is damn true darlings~ no joke :D
Hell yeah~ that's true. This is like, for myself although what doesn't kill me makes me stronger too (in other sense) ^_^"
Anyways, still working on those two hassling projects that would contribute to about 40% each for both my History and Geography results :\ Used to enjoy doing these projects O.o Yup.What was wrong with me then??! Well at least I know that a part of my brain decided to snap back to normal >.< Talking about craziness, is it crazy to have a dream about someone that's SO REAL and BELIEVABLE that you almost believed it was true but then are forced to face reality and move on but then it ACTUALLY happens to you for real this time in less than a month later? (or at least something very similar..... )
Déjà Vu much??!
I mean, this isn't the first time I had a Deja Vu before, but it's just the fact that I'm 100% sure that the first time was a just dream and it happened in real life just after I forced myself to believe that it was a tiny little too good to be true. This happens all the time nowadays...... It's like a procedure. Step 1: OMG! Something unbelievable happens and it leaves you pondering over it for days and days..... Step 2: A slap of reality (darling, if it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true ): Step 3: Rehab........ Step 4: Finally!! Out of rehab! i amma ovahh yewww!~ xDD Step 5: Oh S@#T! no....No.....NO!!! It can't be.... it....it..... it's happening AGAIN..... (sigh) and this time for real =.= It's just weird you know. Maybe I am going nuts. Going nuts because of YOU. I mean, like honestly, we almost never share any moments of genuineness, let alone in a dream or i real life?! Even though all my friends tell me to.
I think I've figured out a way to block you from my mind in order to get my priorities straight. I'm just gonna be neutral from now on. Because if I try to escape in any other way you'll just creep your way back into my subconscious and freak me out in every way possible. You can't do that if I'm being neutral. You can't fight fire with fire there's nothing to fight anymore cause all that I'm giving you from now on is going to be emptiness, oblivion. You can't fight or tango with nothing (unless it's the air xP) So that's how it's going to be from now on until the mid-year exam is over and I've finished my projects. Just like last year before the "wildfire"
You'd better be ready cause imma seriously blend into the background from now on. It may seem a bit impossible, but I can try. Get ready for total oblivion...... you called for it
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
please stay calm and follow the emergency procedure......
although this may sound like a loonie post, but no, it's just a "Emergency-Procedure-for-Mental-Breakdown" post. Whywhywhy??! @_@ Why ditch me at the BEST time you could afford to ditch me??! Huh?Huh? Not so lucky? Lonely? Sweet? I never expected this to happen. >_< I pre-checked a few times before hand and the coast WAS clear.... and then....... POOF! Just as usual you appear out of no where and dis-ensemble all my brain wires like a tornado and then just leave with no evidence of anything ever to have occurred in the first place. You're like a ninja! One with deadly blowpipes spitting needles at me and pretending not to see me! You infect my brain like a contagion that never ceases! I HATE YOU! Why did you even exist in the first place??! When I came here hoping to have riddance of you you just come in and and....... blow me away like a gail force wind that yanks me away! I guess I deserve part of this for acting the way I do..... I'm just so not used to this that I have to mentally recollect myself in the most delusional way possible. That is why I have to quickly escape to my blog as an instinct to release all my frustration out here.
you...You...YOU!!!!! You have done it again! youyouyou arsehole.
Thank goodness not so lucky came to her senses and came to my rescue in time....... (thanks my darlin') ;)
you...You...YOU!!!!! You have done it again! youyouyou arsehole.
Thank goodness not so lucky came to her senses and came to my rescue in time....... (thanks my darlin') ;)
Monday, 30 April 2012
Shouldn't be here right now..... >.< hehehe xP
I'm actually supposed to be doing my Geography project now so I won't have enough time to blog about everything on my mind this time ^_^ Last week was the most exciting week of school I've had so far this year, which include the following:~
- inter-school contest
- Geo project trip
- School talent time
- History field trip
Although I might have felt near to half-dead after all that, it was all worth it. (Surely better than sitting in class listening to the usual daily blah~ no offense :P) Sad though I couldn't do the Geo project thingy because of my Mom's busy schedule and my poor time keeping skills.... really sorry guys ~ but it shouldn't affect my project progress that much. Anyways......... dammit. It's May ALREADY???! That means I'll be facing my 3rd or is it 4th external piano exam in about a weeks time :O
That I think is all FOR NOW I need to get to work....... urgh! You.... YOu.... YOU!!!!! !@#$%#
(sorry mental breakdown there ^.^")
- inter-school contest
- Geo project trip
- School talent time
- History field trip
Although I might have felt near to half-dead after all that, it was all worth it. (Surely better than sitting in class listening to the usual daily blah~ no offense :P) Sad though I couldn't do the Geo project thingy because of my Mom's busy schedule and my poor time keeping skills.... really sorry guys ~ but it shouldn't affect my project progress that much. Anyways......... dammit. It's May ALREADY???! That means I'll be facing my 3rd or is it 4th external piano exam in about a weeks time :O
That I think is all FOR NOW I need to get to work....... urgh! You.... YOu.... YOU!!!!! !@#$%#
(sorry mental breakdown there ^.^")
Friday, 20 April 2012
yeahh~ it suits you darling xD....... BUT!! it's getting out of hand :\
I really don't know what to say this time.... unlike my usual self, I'm actually lost for words to say right now. You know me... =P Okay, first of all Adam Lambert's new song is damn addictive! xD Although it reminds me of you every time I listen to it -.- and if you haven't noticed, my friends, the follow button is now available on your bottom right. Sorry it took so long guys~ as you know meh~~ I have a whole lot of other stuff to do and I wasn't even aware that you have to add it yourself ^_^||
Anyways, "things" have been getting out of hand lately... and YES if you DO get what I mean, I mean operation "Dipp-a-dee-doo" operation "Yabadabadoo" and operation "Scooby Doo" I don't even want to mention the one that starts with "K" >.> I'm sure you just try to analyze me whenever I mention "H!!!!" or any other sarcastic phrases I use to block my thoughts and genuine feelings towards you. I feel awful whenever I say something spiteful towards you just to keep my feelings oblivious. In fact, I think my theory has an opposite effect now. Am I making it EVEN MORE OBVIOUS than it already is? And what about you? You just sit there minding your own business as though nothing's going on. And when you DO take notice, I let my instincts shoo you away like you're a stray begging for leftovers. Yes, I'm cruel. You have known that, haven't you? I'm starting to sense that you feel the same about me too. I've somehow mastered the art of eaves-dropping HAHA! I know I know call me a hypocrite. But I just can't stand the thought of people gossiping behind my back... =.= urgh! Why do you think me and my "so-called trustee partner" came up with these "operations" in the first place? For the life of an adolescence, the mental torture ofthe possibility of your crush not liking you back can be easily underestimated by PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND EHHEM... and also I've learned how to make wiser choices by trying my best to avoid mistakes made by people in the past. But HONESTLY DARLING, it's kinda obvious that you 'like' me back too. The problem now is just Who Will Act First?? I think this is a matter of either pride, self-esteem or just plain fear. Or all three. Maybe my Dad's right. Maybe all I need is a brand new attitude. I'm working on that, don't worry. I think both of us are debating with ourselves whether a 'relationship' this year especially would be a hindrance for success in our individual goals (which I think are more or less similar :3) if either one of us DOES gather up the courage to confess. But for now, anything could happen. Just hope the difficulties faced in our 'operations' would soon be over-comed. :)
The damn playlist on my blog has stopped working AGAIN!@.@ Urrrgh! Stupid..... anyway, hope you guys understand all this and of course, hope I can get a new functioning web-link to a playlist >.>
All for now ;)
Anyways, "things" have been getting out of hand lately... and YES if you DO get what I mean, I mean operation "Dipp-a-dee-doo" operation "Yabadabadoo" and operation "Scooby Doo" I don't even want to mention the one that starts with "K" >.> I'm sure you just try to analyze me whenever I mention "H!!!!" or any other sarcastic phrases I use to block my thoughts and genuine feelings towards you. I feel awful whenever I say something spiteful towards you just to keep my feelings oblivious. In fact, I think my theory has an opposite effect now. Am I making it EVEN MORE OBVIOUS than it already is? And what about you? You just sit there minding your own business as though nothing's going on. And when you DO take notice, I let my instincts shoo you away like you're a stray begging for leftovers. Yes, I'm cruel. You have known that, haven't you? I'm starting to sense that you feel the same about me too. I've somehow mastered the art of eaves-dropping HAHA! I know I know call me a hypocrite. But I just can't stand the thought of people gossiping behind my back... =.= urgh! Why do you think me and my "so-called trustee partner" came up with these "operations" in the first place? For the life of an adolescence, the mental torture ofthe possibility of your crush not liking you back can be easily underestimated by PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND EHHEM... and also I've learned how to make wiser choices by trying my best to avoid mistakes made by people in the past. But HONESTLY DARLING, it's kinda obvious that you 'like' me back too. The problem now is just Who Will Act First?? I think this is a matter of either pride, self-esteem or just plain fear. Or all three. Maybe my Dad's right. Maybe all I need is a brand new attitude. I'm working on that, don't worry. I think both of us are debating with ourselves whether a 'relationship' this year especially would be a hindrance for success in our individual goals (which I think are more or less similar :3) if either one of us DOES gather up the courage to confess. But for now, anything could happen. Just hope the difficulties faced in our 'operations' would soon be over-comed. :)
The damn playlist on my blog has stopped working AGAIN!@.@ Urrrgh! Stupid..... anyway, hope you guys understand all this and of course, hope I can get a new functioning web-link to a playlist >.>
All for now ;)
Sunday, 15 April 2012
Pizza & Tea =)
Just ate a slice of pizza that my Mom bought me and now I'm waiting for the water to boil for me to make tea ;D My Mom just left the house, again, with her partner and I wonder what I'm gonna eat for dinner tonight. Most of my friends like to post pics on their blogs. Like LOTS of pics and minimal words. For me, I think, yeah, it makes it look more colorful and all that, but it's just that I find it hard to find good pics that are large enough to post on my blog... Guess I just don't do this usually that's all :/
Saturday, 14 April 2012
you...You... YOU!!!!!!
Just came home from lunch after church. My Mom seems determined to think I'm a slow learner at cooking and other essential household chores (well actually I am, kinda ^^||) But I prove her wrong! MUAHAHAHAHA! =.=|| Yeah yeah... I may have made a mess of a couple of things like, hmm... slicing the carrots and onions for the lasagna, filtering the rice, sweeping the floor, ironing the clothes, washing the dishes........ okay OKAY! I admit it! I am pretty bad at this but oh well, I am just a beginner~
Anyway,........ thank goodness you weren't there to see me as I looked awful in that (WHAT WAS I THINKING???!) outfit ^_^" it would've been better if I had prepared earlier but I didn't but it doesn't really matter now, does it? I wore that same dress before and it was alright. But at least my hair looks better than usual today for some reason. Sometimes I war with myself in my head:-
Me(1): Ahhhh....... oh no! Almost time again! I'm gonna be late and I look AWFUL!! What if 'he' sees me??!
Me(2):Urgh! I don't give a #@$%! I don't just dress to impress 'him' :P
Me(1): But I'll make a BAD impression! :O
Me(2): Oh whatever! That arse can think whatever he wants what rite has he to be Joan Rivers? And besides, I'm not a celebrity and this isn't the Grammy's so..... yeah~~
Me(1): Yeah, true, but this is "him" we're talking about not just anyone darling...
Me(2): Oh shut up! You're so immature and naive!
Me(1): Me??! I'm not the negative one here >>
Me(2): Aaaaaaaargh! Fine Fine Fine....
End result: -.-...... wth...... where's "H" now?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Mom's out for a while to discuss an important issue with her project partner. Go Mom! xDD I've never seen her work this hard before ever since the past few months and this building project came along. Normally she barely uses her computer let alone go online but nowadays, well, she's been typing out minutes for meetings and banking in account numbers like a non-stop working machine. I should be helping but everytime I pick up a household chore I just end up getting her "Medusa" So better just stay at home and look after Grandma and blog at the simultaneously~ Had the choice between Samsung Galaxy Tab or my com. Choice: (obviously) my com :D
Saw so many familiar faces in church today ;3 There was my Aunt Kathrine (& family plus Zachery and Natasha my nephew and niece who never fail to make me feel old >.<) My Aunt Helen from Sarawak (she says Baby Zoe is sick aww....... get well soon Zoe :)) my classmate annoying tay O.o and some equally annoying senior from the interact club :/
Yaaaay!! Finally got the playlist onto my blog!! x3 Hmm... for some reason the blog title says I posted this on 14th April Saturday, but actually, it's Sunday the 15th today O.O" oh well....
So I'm stuck at home now with my sleeping grandma on a sunny Sunday afternoon..... yay.... Haha!! That's all for now I guess... ^.~
Anyway,........ thank goodness you weren't there to see me as I looked awful in that (WHAT WAS I THINKING???!) outfit ^_^" it would've been better if I had prepared earlier but I didn't but it doesn't really matter now, does it? I wore that same dress before and it was alright. But at least my hair looks better than usual today for some reason. Sometimes I war with myself in my head:-
Me(1): Ahhhh....... oh no! Almost time again! I'm gonna be late and I look AWFUL!! What if 'he' sees me??!
Me(2):Urgh! I don't give a #@$%! I don't just dress to impress 'him' :P
Me(1): But I'll make a BAD impression! :O
Me(2): Oh whatever! That arse can think whatever he wants what rite has he to be Joan Rivers? And besides, I'm not a celebrity and this isn't the Grammy's so..... yeah~~
Me(1): Yeah, true, but this is "him" we're talking about not just anyone darling...
Me(2): Oh shut up! You're so immature and naive!
Me(1): Me??! I'm not the negative one here >>
Me(2): Aaaaaaaargh! Fine Fine Fine....
End result: -.-...... wth...... where's "H" now?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Mom's out for a while to discuss an important issue with her project partner. Go Mom! xDD I've never seen her work this hard before ever since the past few months and this building project came along. Normally she barely uses her computer let alone go online but nowadays, well, she's been typing out minutes for meetings and banking in account numbers like a non-stop working machine. I should be helping but everytime I pick up a household chore I just end up getting her "Medusa" So better just stay at home and look after Grandma and blog at the simultaneously~ Had the choice between Samsung Galaxy Tab or my com. Choice: (obviously) my com :D
Saw so many familiar faces in church today ;3 There was my Aunt Kathrine (& family plus Zachery and Natasha my nephew and niece who never fail to make me feel old >.<) My Aunt Helen from Sarawak (she says Baby Zoe is sick aww....... get well soon Zoe :)) my classmate annoying tay O.o and some equally annoying senior from the interact club :/
Yaaaay!! Finally got the playlist onto my blog!! x3 Hmm... for some reason the blog title says I posted this on 14th April Saturday, but actually, it's Sunday the 15th today O.O" oh well....
So I'm stuck at home now with my sleeping grandma on a sunny Sunday afternoon..... yay.... Haha!! That's all for now I guess... ^.~
Friday, 13 April 2012
a little closer i guess??
I did it! Talked to 'him' with eye contact successfully... well not thoroughly though. I would still have to look away for a few seconds during the conversation to avoid my inevitable habit of giggling to myself like a mad woman ^_^"
Guess 'he' is not THAT BAD or THAT SCARY after all....... as usual, it's all in my head. Seriously need to get that playlist onto my blog. URGH!!! STUPID PLAYLIST! LET ME SIGN IN! Anyways, today's Friday the 13th. But I don't believe in all that mumbo-jumbo people say so I guess it won't affect me. Still feel an inch of regret for ignoring 'him' that day but well, at least I did't screw up this time. Taylor Swift's new song 'Eyes Open' is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! xD So check it out. It's this one here to your left btw >>>
And, I'm also thinking of changing the design of my blog. My mid-year exam is coming and........ urgh......... why why why did I have to remind myself??! So nowadays, like I said in my previous post, I'll try my best to be honest. Not just to myself but to everyone else too. Although, 'he' would have to wait. ;3 A friend of mine thinks I should go for it, but I personally think that 'HE' should act first! xP HAHA! I know I know... I'm stubborn right? :P I don't know why but nowadays my eyes keep twitching... my Mom tells me it's a sign that something bad or totally unexpected is about to happen through experience. But, I don't believe that. To me, it's either I'm not getting enough sleep, or I'm just too stressed out about 'him' >.>
Think I'm gonna see 'him' this weekend again... All thanks to my Dad and his pre-timed arrival at the airport causing my Mom to have to re-shuffle her time schedule to pick him up =.= But it's, well, I don't know. Sometime I even HOPE to see 'him'........ I know I know I sound obsessed, but TRUST ME I've everything under control. I think that's all for now,yeah ^.~
Guess 'he' is not THAT BAD or THAT SCARY after all....... as usual, it's all in my head. Seriously need to get that playlist onto my blog. URGH!!! STUPID PLAYLIST! LET ME SIGN IN! Anyways, today's Friday the 13th. But I don't believe in all that mumbo-jumbo people say so I guess it won't affect me. Still feel an inch of regret for ignoring 'him' that day but well, at least I did't screw up this time. Taylor Swift's new song 'Eyes Open' is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! xD So check it out. It's this one here to your left btw >>>
And, I'm also thinking of changing the design of my blog. My mid-year exam is coming and........ urgh......... why why why did I have to remind myself??! So nowadays, like I said in my previous post, I'll try my best to be honest. Not just to myself but to everyone else too. Although, 'he' would have to wait. ;3 A friend of mine thinks I should go for it, but I personally think that 'HE' should act first! xP HAHA! I know I know... I'm stubborn right? :P I don't know why but nowadays my eyes keep twitching... my Mom tells me it's a sign that something bad or totally unexpected is about to happen through experience. But, I don't believe that. To me, it's either I'm not getting enough sleep, or I'm just too stressed out about 'him' >.>
Think I'm gonna see 'him' this weekend again... All thanks to my Dad and his pre-timed arrival at the airport causing my Mom to have to re-shuffle her time schedule to pick him up =.= But it's, well, I don't know. Sometime I even HOPE to see 'him'........ I know I know I sound obsessed, but TRUST ME I've everything under control. I think that's all for now,yeah ^.~
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
The Truth....
Okay.... this is not the first time I've been blogging. In fact, I just haven't been on my old blog for what feels like almost forever that I lost my id & password.. ^.^" And... honestly I don't really need to blog often unless it's really worth it or there's something I REALLY need to express/let go of or I'm just bored with nothing better to do which I usually am not, because I'm preoccupied most of the time. I feel like all this hiding and dishonesty from within is slowly creeping up on me and somehow... yeah... warping my mental development in a weird way, so I choose to let it go.
So here it is......
Before trying to be honest to anyone else, I have to be honest with myself first. See I HAVEN'T been COMPLETELY honest lately especially to myself and particularly about a certain someone else. It won't be easy, but I'll at least try.
(deep breath) ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Lately, I've been feeling this strange unhappiness inside me, like a troubled feeling, a wall that separates me from genuine elation. Even when I've achieved something worth celebrating or when I usually used to jump up and down. And when I sleep I can't sleep without thinking about you. I don't think I'm going nuts or anything, it's just that maybe I can't bare with the fact that this is reality, or that in this world, unlike all the movies and stories, people just aren't... that... happy anymore... Sometimes I can even sense some people around me having to force laughter and fake smiles to live their everyday lives as "who they are", and when they seem genuine, sometimes, I think they're acting. Sometimes I also get carried away by this... honestly, I myself am not that free from pretense either. Why? Is it true? What a friend of mine once told me that we kind of depend on you for laughter. I had to show exasperation at the very thought of it, but deep down inside, my heart agrees to the bitter-sweet truth. And is it true that she really knows these things? Maybe... who knows? She seems to be quite accurate most of the time. Besides, something is better than nothing. Is it guilt? Guilt that I can't admit my wrongs or is it pride? Or just plain dishonesty? Until this very day I just can't grip onto that very fabric of reality ........ (sigh).... like the first time... when those words came out of his mouth and i felt like i had gastric... and now its you. You broke her heart once and now... what now??!? You should know from experience that I'm DIFFERENT from her. But do you even see me? Or is it ALL MY FAULT? I see you, in fact you're almost the only thing I see nowadays but I prefer to act as though you're not there... why? Maybe it's because I'm insecure? Lost? Confused? Paranoid? Worried? Or is it the pride that keeps me from humbling myself down to admitting the truth that I DO acknowledge your existence and have these feelings that I try my best to hide. I can't even look you in the eye when we speak. Do you even notice that? Can you silently see right through me? All the time I wonder if you feel the same way I feel about you. These mixed, confused feelings. I'd do anything to know the truth. But how can I expect the truth without being completely truthful myself? You came up to me that day and I may have seemed totally serene on the outside but inside my heart, a war is going on. I just simply can't decide whether to despise you or submit to the opposite. My heart was racing and I silently panicked. In the end I didn't know what to do but to just force myself to believe that you are not there, just a figment of my imagination coming to haunt my subconscious. Some can sense that I may get carried away sometimes in my daily routine of 'hating you'. I wonder if I ever hurt your feelings like you did mine long time ago. My sarcastic words sometimes backfire at me and pierce my own heart. I don't know, but the bottom line is, forcing myself to be mean to you (even in a minor way) only hurts myself. How I hate myself sometimes for being so timid and cowardly. Why can't I just go up to you and say "Hi!" without having to recover from a mental breakdown first. The weirdest part is that in order to avoid a mental breakdown or the ambush of nearby eaves-droppers, I even RENAMED you... I wonder if you've figured that out... You seem so "innocently" curious it intrigues me ^_^" HAHA!!
Oh well, anyways, I'm hope I can understand this sooner or later. But for now, a delicious KFC takeaway package is awaiting me and so is my family XDD hmmm......... I wonder if YOU've had dinner yet... at least one thing's for sure:~ THAT I FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER after posting this.
That's all for now. Bye bye! :P
So here it is......
Before trying to be honest to anyone else, I have to be honest with myself first. See I HAVEN'T been COMPLETELY honest lately especially to myself and particularly about a certain someone else. It won't be easy, but I'll at least try.
(deep breath) ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Lately, I've been feeling this strange unhappiness inside me, like a troubled feeling, a wall that separates me from genuine elation. Even when I've achieved something worth celebrating or when I usually used to jump up and down. And when I sleep I can't sleep without thinking about you. I don't think I'm going nuts or anything, it's just that maybe I can't bare with the fact that this is reality, or that in this world, unlike all the movies and stories, people just aren't... that... happy anymore... Sometimes I can even sense some people around me having to force laughter and fake smiles to live their everyday lives as "who they are", and when they seem genuine, sometimes, I think they're acting. Sometimes I also get carried away by this... honestly, I myself am not that free from pretense either. Why? Is it true? What a friend of mine once told me that we kind of depend on you for laughter. I had to show exasperation at the very thought of it, but deep down inside, my heart agrees to the bitter-sweet truth. And is it true that she really knows these things? Maybe... who knows? She seems to be quite accurate most of the time. Besides, something is better than nothing. Is it guilt? Guilt that I can't admit my wrongs or is it pride? Or just plain dishonesty? Until this very day I just can't grip onto that very fabric of reality ........ (sigh).... like the first time... when those words came out of his mouth and i felt like i had gastric... and now its you. You broke her heart once and now... what now??!? You should know from experience that I'm DIFFERENT from her. But do you even see me? Or is it ALL MY FAULT? I see you, in fact you're almost the only thing I see nowadays but I prefer to act as though you're not there... why? Maybe it's because I'm insecure? Lost? Confused? Paranoid? Worried? Or is it the pride that keeps me from humbling myself down to admitting the truth that I DO acknowledge your existence and have these feelings that I try my best to hide. I can't even look you in the eye when we speak. Do you even notice that? Can you silently see right through me? All the time I wonder if you feel the same way I feel about you. These mixed, confused feelings. I'd do anything to know the truth. But how can I expect the truth without being completely truthful myself? You came up to me that day and I may have seemed totally serene on the outside but inside my heart, a war is going on. I just simply can't decide whether to despise you or submit to the opposite. My heart was racing and I silently panicked. In the end I didn't know what to do but to just force myself to believe that you are not there, just a figment of my imagination coming to haunt my subconscious. Some can sense that I may get carried away sometimes in my daily routine of 'hating you'. I wonder if I ever hurt your feelings like you did mine long time ago. My sarcastic words sometimes backfire at me and pierce my own heart. I don't know, but the bottom line is, forcing myself to be mean to you (even in a minor way) only hurts myself. How I hate myself sometimes for being so timid and cowardly. Why can't I just go up to you and say "Hi!" without having to recover from a mental breakdown first. The weirdest part is that in order to avoid a mental breakdown or the ambush of nearby eaves-droppers, I even RENAMED you... I wonder if you've figured that out... You seem so "innocently" curious it intrigues me ^_^" HAHA!!
Oh well, anyways, I'm hope I can understand this sooner or later. But for now, a delicious KFC takeaway package is awaiting me and so is my family XDD hmmm......... I wonder if YOU've had dinner yet... at least one thing's for sure:~ THAT I FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER after posting this.
That's all for now. Bye bye! :P
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