Thuurrgh.... post (don't ask)

Hey there, (whoever is reading this) Just for your information this is a past post. I am typing this at 4.56p.m., July 2nd 2012, Monday. I had just finished my shower, hair still wet, sitting infront of my laptop on my study table, blogging indirectly. I just have too much to get off my shoulders right now that if I don't let it out it may cause me some serious mental difficulties in the near future. That's why it can't wait for the next chance I get to go online. It is also a day before my Mom's birthday. Gosh,..... the additional guilt of not having a present for her yet just worsens my current situation.



Lately, I've been so darn forgetful that it drives me to the point when I feel like I want to slap myself. I mean, I've forgotten five important things in two weeks! First, I forgot to ask my Mom for my daily allowance causing myself the hassle of borrowing money from my friends, TWICE! Then I forgot to bring my uniform home and left in in the school foyer, ALSO TWICE! The first time, when I went looking for it the next day I found my uniform hanging over the benches in a very neglected and disorderly way. Obviously someone had ransacked through my bag and took my tie (what idiot would steal a tie??!) If that's not bad enough that my Mom had to fork out some money to buy a new tie, I repeated the SAME DAMN MISTAKE AGAIN a day or two later! But this time thank God Sweet Me recognised my brown souvenir bag and took it home for me. Although she hasn't given it back to me yet...... =_=  Also on Thursday, I had forgotten to bring something crucial. It was supposedly the deadline for our history project and I THOUGHT I had brought the whole pile for last-minute binding but it just so happened that I forgot the last 4 pages....... AAAARRRGH! Thank God again that it wasn't the real deadline yet so I passed it up on Friday. Today was the worst. HOW THE HELL COULD I HAVE LEFT MY NEW PURSE AT SCHOOL??!!??! It's seriously like someone cast a forgetful spell on me. I LOVE that purse! I personally chose it out and cleaned it with my own bare hands. All I can do now is pray that it lands into the hands of a teacher or at least someone honest enough to do the right thing. What I could do is calI up the school office to find out more. But I shouldn't worry too much because I kept the Divine Mercy Prayer card in there so I guess God will keep it safe. I surely hope to get it back tomorrow, and hopefully, find a cure for this.... forgetfulness.

Hmm.....I think all this has lead me to realize my own carelessness and ungratefulness to God. Not to mention I didn't even attend church yesterday and instead stayed home and played with my PSP. I haven't even been praying properly nowadays, besides saying Grace before meals, I hardly pray at all. Maybe that's the source af all my negativity and unhappiness nowadays. Maybe if I just stop and meditate for a moment I would find a solution to fix this mess I'm in. Today was the first time in  a while that I've stopped and prayed to God with sincerity and meaning. I aim to continue this, not only in my times of hardship but also in order to give thanks in times of joy.

Besides that, recently, two different people have told me that I'm gullible. Am I gullible? Do I get tricked easily? I get what they mean like when they're just joking and I give the "Huh?? Really??" or "Seriously??" reaction. Hmmm..... or maybe it's way more than that. It's just that I've been finding it hard to substantiate what I say. But I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it right because I'm too scared of what other people might think. Well, that's most probably because I've let what other people think and say influence what I think and say. No more of that bullshit from now on. You can try to influence me all you want but I won't budge. I judge what is right and wrong from what I know and I won't get tricked so easily anymore. I respect the ones who respect me and ignore the ones who don't. From now on, I choose who I want to be. Don't complain just because I stopped acting the way you wanted me to. I would still compensate but I would not lose my stand.

I think that's all. I would never forgive myself if I lost my purse............ >_<

(p.s. Just another reminder that this was typed 2 days ago so that's why everything is belated. And also what I mean isn't that I don't care about you as a friend, I still L-O-V-E you as a friend, it's just that I'll only listen when it's worth listening to. Besides, YOU DON'T CARE EITHER RIGHT??! Just to substantiate what I mean towards CERTAIN PEOPLE who don't. If you have any misunderstandings, just comment, or not, no need for you to bug me any further. It's a tight knot, but WE can untie it if WE want to. ^_^)